Monday, October 5, 2009

Life in the looney bin


I feel totally normal again today. School has sobered me up more quickly than I had wanted. Japanese class has my brain on a different wave length. I am thankful for that. I am so excited to visit Japan next year.

I need time to get clear, clean again. God damnit. I have am not drinking for the month, and no drugs...my last dance with mary jane will be tomorrow. I'll let the crazy out on Halloween, but not till then.

I am moving downtown next week, with my best friend. A whole new beginning. Living with my dad again at 25 has been more than demoralizing. Its been a month now, and I am dying to get out and on my own again. I fucking love this town though, and am really ready to find new secrets and crevasses.

Taking a little break from Ryan. not ready to let go yet, but thinking about it. This last week has been like a dream. A drama out of my mind dream....and it was good, but now I have to repent

I fucking hate being here at night though, its just weird being here with my dad. I love him, but he just talks about my little brother who is on drugs all the time. and how he is paying for him to be in college blah blah blah. My little brother is a total douche bag, doing heroin and selling drugs...badly. I don't know....I helped dad move him to my college town and get him enrolled at the community college..all while he was coming off the dope. We just caught the little fucker back at home downtown hanging out while he was supposed to be in class. Ridiculous. my dad took him back to school yesterday. He is so involved. My little sister is there and just had her birthday yesterday. 20 years old. Ah the good days. College.

I haven't partied like I did this week since college. four years of drugs and sex and parties.

I gotta grow up. Its a new ball game at 25. gotta get on my game...

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