God damnit....why did I do it??
Last night, I went and hung out with my old co-workers and one of them I have always had a crush on. He is so similar to me with our drug backgrounds and running cities with weed. He was all over me last night. I liked it. He gave me some herb, bought all my drinks, and made me drive up the street to get some blow. My other ex co-sorker was passed out in my car. We did some lines....and well.....we started making out, and he was all over my tits, sucking on them and kissing me.
The kissing was bad, I didnt' like it and told him to "for gods sake close your mouth!" I tried to kiss him so it would be good for me...but it never really was. I was not turned on really...my ex stripper status turned on and I felt like I was just doing him a favor, nothing for me. God....I feel terrible. he just called me and said he was sorry for what happend and that the morning guilt was bad. It was bad for me too. I guess i have been so bored with my relationship that I wanted to know what it would be like. And now I know...and I don't want to cheat again.
At the end of the night he walked me back to the car, and we made out again, and titties, and I let him finger bang me...which I hated.....I just am not into him.
Sucks...............the grass is always greener. I am not telling ANYONE, and I have a huge mouth so its really hard to hold it in. Hence the blog.....my secret blog.
How do I redeem myself? When he called today to say sorry, he told me of his guilt and that he was just really drunk, and that we should hang out again and be friends, and that it would never happen again.................ugh, I actually felt kinda sad that it wouldn't. wierd cause I didn't like it, but I guess I like being wanted.
I miss my boyfriend. I wish I could let him touch me the way I let my exco-worker....what the fuck is wrong with me??
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