Day one 7:12pm

God damnit.....

Home from dance class....now what do I do??? Usually I am ok because i know that I can smoke a bowl and watch some tv....ugh


I am frustrated....i hate being alone and I tend to use weed to make people stay with me and smoke and hang out....

I am quitting because I find myself not accomplishing as much as I know I can. For instance last week was my week off of classes and I had planned to get into shape and run every day and lift weights and go on my diet...instead I downloaded 15 new movies and watched them all one after another!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck right??

I am a lazy bitch......

When I am not home I want to hurry home asap to smoke or hang out with my boyfriend, and I actually feel anxious when I am not home because I dont' know what I should be doing. If I could just stick to my TO DO lists, I would be happier, and healthier....fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

I have weed just sitting here....waiting for me to smoke...and I can't...........

I fear not smoking because I sometimes have spiritual experiences when I do, and I don't want to loose them. They happen far and few between my daily bowls, but still....something to consider.

I know that in the next few days, I am going to forget why I stopped in the first place....I need to remember that it's not becoming to be a stoner....It's lazy and boring, and I am boring because of it.

I am making a goal to not smoke till my birthday in four months...that's not fucking forever!!! why why why why why does it feel so lonely??? My buddy Mary JANE!!!!!

AH me....

cold turkey....no smoking....

and I smoked a cig today...it did nothing for me....almost made me feel sick because I haven't eaten enough today....

Not smoking weed makes my appetite weird and my mood shitty.

Day one is almost over....at least I think I will be busy tomorrow with some homework and starting new classes. I hope that I can keep this going....I am not going to tell my friends at school until I have been clean for a week. I think they will just think I am being dramatic and crazy...though none of them smoke weed...

I dont drink much because the weed mixes bad and I get sick a lot. I dont smoke cigs often because I just don't "need" to, though I will when I am drinking or stressed...but it doesn't have a hold on me like the chronic does.....

I am going to succeed. I have never failed really at something that I have really wanted. I hope that through giving up weed I will gain a better love for myself, because that's what this is all about really.